we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
