is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
