I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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