i jhust puked up my retainher.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
