She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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