so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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