dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am available for nakedness
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
