for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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