Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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