We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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