im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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