I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
