it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
