I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
