I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
