Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
