i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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