is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is my gift to your gina
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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