Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
