I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
