She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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