btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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