i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
