We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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