So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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