If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize