I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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