Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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