I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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