So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
