a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
