Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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