Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
