I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
