Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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