Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
