is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
