I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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