Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
