lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize