wakey wakey hands off snakey
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
