it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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