i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
