next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
