I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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