my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
