I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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