what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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