Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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