i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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