you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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