Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
