we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
