You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
