Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
