I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
