The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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