So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize