how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
