i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
