i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
