eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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