LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
