I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize