Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
