I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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