just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
