you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
