im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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