i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize