This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
