AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
